gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
