I looked at my own cervix.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
