I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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