our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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