we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
