I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
