Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
