i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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