Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
