Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
