so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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