I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
