butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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