My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize