I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
mondays should just be called national damage control day
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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