If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
