I accidentally burped into my bong.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
