hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
