he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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