i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize