This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
