her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
