I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
