i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
