Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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