yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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