ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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