Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
