you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
