so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
