You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
