She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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