i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
