just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
