Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
