so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
