The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
