What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Randomize
