normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize