During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
