I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
