Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
