Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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