Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
