drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
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