i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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