Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
