420 ftw
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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