just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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