dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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