why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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