So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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