Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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