Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
