Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
