I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
