my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
