he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
