shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
