I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
