New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
