I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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