it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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