I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
