i need an iv and a liver transplant
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
