i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just tell him i said nine months
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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