Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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