Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
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