I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
