Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
