how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just pee around me
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
