Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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