I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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