So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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