Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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