their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
