Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
