Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
