here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
