i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
