He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
