reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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