I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
