I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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