Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
