Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
