The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
