:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
