omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
