M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
