I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
