Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He did a backflip because drugs
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
