Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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