on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
