Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize