Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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